Earmuffs
by Snowsong-86
Summary: He never anticipated that one single harmless object, coupled with the antics of his 'friends,' could possibly cause this much trouble. WARNINGS: Mild Neji-torment, crack pairings
1. The Gift

_Author's Note:_

_This is the result of a conversation I had with Rellie over a new piece of ShinoTen fanart... And as our brainstorming conversations tend to go, it exploded into something entirely different. In this case, a bit of Neji-torture._

_Admittedly, I am not Neji's biggest fan. So, I take great enjoyment out of seeing him suffer a little as the result of his friend's antics. This is just an exploration of how a single harmless object, coupled with Neji's need for control, sends him on a downward spiral of agony and torment._

_This is also an experiment at writing from the point-of-view of a character I'm not greatly fond of--to see if I can get into his headspace and understand him a little better._

_Story: Earmuffs_

_Characters: Neji, Lee, Tenten, Gai, Hinata, Hanabi, Shino_

_Warnings: Neji-torture, crack pairings (you've been warned!)_

_Chapter 1: The Gift_

*****

Winter was a dreadful season in his opinion. He preferred autumn—and not just for the temperatures. Autumn was accompanied by a calm, serene sort of atmosphere that the other seasons lacked. Some would argue winter shared that aspect…and perhaps it did…

"Look at the wonderful snow! Winter is such a glorious season!"

…unless you had Rock Lee for a teammate.

"Winter is the best season, well besides summer of course. And spring. And autumn. Well, I do suppose they are all wonderful! But, there are so many activities one can only participate in when accompanied by snow! Snowball fights, and building snowmen, and making snow angels, and sledding, and…"

This customary greeting would continue for a while, Neji knew. It always did on the day following the first snowfall of the winter in Konoha. It seemed this winter had snuck up on them all, however. And with the snow came the most brisk temperatures they had experienced in a while. It was taking a great deal for Neji not to snap Lee in half for finding the miserable cold so…'wonderful.'

"...and building snow forts, and snowball fights, and…Neji-kun? What is the matter?"

"Don't mind him, Lee. Neji just…doesn't like the cold, right Neji?"

"Hn." He could tell Tenten was trying to distract Lee. But when it came to Lee, very little could deter him when he found something new to enthuse himself with. Which happened quite frequently, surprisingly enough…

"Oh! Of course! But Neji-kun! I have just the thing to ward off the biting winds! Here."

Stuffing a small bag into each his and Tenten's mittened hands, he bounced eagerly on his toes. This was not a good sign. Neji knew his teammate well enough to recognize what could potentially be a very threatening gift.

Slowly, he pealed the handles of the bag apart, scared of what foul creature could assault him at first chance…

"Earmuffs? Why thank you, Lee! That was thoughtful," Tenten burst.

Earmuffs. A seemingly non-threatening item.

Except when they're…

"Pink, they'll be perfect—thanks Lee!" Tenten said, as she placed them over her ears.

"I found them for a very good deal! I do not know why there were so many of such high quality earmuffs still in stock. Especially not during this chilly weather!"

Well. If this was the only color left, it really was no wonder.

There was no way in hell, he would ever wear these. His pride would not allow it.

"What are those you are wearing, Lee?"

Great. Neji didn't need the Byakugan to see where this was going now that Gai-sensei had arrived.

"Gai-sensei! They are glorious pink earmuffs! Here—I purchased a pair for each of us!"

Neji took a subconscious step back. There was only one way this would turn out. And he would need to take advantage of it to 'lose' his gift while he had the chance.

"Oh Lee!! What a beautiful pair of earmuffs! What a considerate student you are…" he wiped a tear from his eye. "I don't deserve such a gift!" he said, as he plopped the earmuffs in place.

"But Gai-sensei! You the greatest shinobi in Konoha! It is only fair that you be rewarded—earmuffs are the least I can give to express my eternal gratitude, Gai-sensei!"

"Oh, Lee!"

"Gai-sensei!"

Perfect. With both of them wrapped in a sensei-student hug-of-doom, and Tenten watching with a bemused half-interest…they were all completely distracted. Now if he just…happened to drop them behind that tree…

"LEE!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"WHAT is all this racket down here?!"

Blessed savior from ninja heaven!

"I'd gotten three complaints from your ridiculous yelling…not that I needed it, I could hear you all the way in my office!" Tsunade-sama was clearly exasperated. Oh how Neji could relate.

"HOKAGE-SAMA. HOW LOVELY OF YOU TO JOIN US! AREN'T YOU COLD? YOU ARE NOT DRESSED PROPERLY…"

_THWACK_

"I suggest you watch your mouth, Maito Gai!"

Gai-sensei rubbed the steadily growing lump on the back of his head, confusedly studying the tightly restrained expression of the Hokage. "WHAT, HOKAGE-SAMA? COULD YOU SPEAK UP? I CANNOT HEAR YOU."

Neji couldn't help the smirk that graced his lips as he watched the Hokage lift up the right side of Gai-sensei's offending earmuffs, and yell, "IT'S NO WONDER. NO ONE CAN HEAR OVER YOUR RACKET. I doubt you have one, but INSIDE VOICES."

Lee looked a bit taken aback, "but…Hokage-sama…we are outside!"

Tsunade-sama spared Lee an annoyed glance, and snapped the earmuff back in place.

"My apologies, Hokage-sama! I didn't know I was speaking so loud—I couldn't hear over these lovely earmuffs Lee gave me!"

"Be that as it may, I hope I will not be hearing about you…or from you for that matter…for the rest of the day. I have business to attend to."

Neji couldn't help himself. "Like drinking sake?" he whispered under his breath, a remark for which he earned himself an elbow in the gut compliments of Tenten.

The Hokage hadn't taken much more than two steps when she stopped in her path, and stooped as though to pick something up. She turned to face Neji, placing whatever she had found in his hands and said, "I assume these are yours, Hyuuga-san."

He watched her back for a moment before looking down to realize…

…his plan had failed.

There, in his mittened hands, now slightly damp from melted snow, was the same puce abomination he had tried to dispose of not moments before. …Damn you Hokage-sama…

Note to self: never comment on the Hokage's drinking habits. Ever again.

"Honored rival, why have you not put your earmuffs on yet? Here! Allow me to assist you!"

"No- Lee- I don't need your help!" His attempt to keep the woolly accessory out of Lee's reach failed miserably, as Lee all but tackled him in order to 'help.'

Neji hated winter.

So much.

*****

She was so amused by the antics playing out before her, Tenten had barely noticed when Shino appeared at her side.

"What is…?"

"Oh, just your average day on Team Gai."

"I…see."

When Neji emerged, she couldn't help her subtle snort of mirth… But the image of the Hyuuga in fluffy pink earmuffs was just too much.

When she turned to comment to Shino, however, she stopped out of shear terror. He was…grinning. And rather malevolently, too.

"Shino? Are you…alright?"

"Oh yes. I am perfectly content."


	2. Changing of Hands

_Author's Note:_

_I was unsure what would be the best way to handle this chapter. I still feel it is awfully short in comparison to what I expect the future chapters to be. I seriously considered saving it to tack on to the beginning of another chapter, but for the sake of the story's flow, I decided that would be a mistake. I'm not particularly proud of this chapter (as there is nothing of significance really takes place), but it was an important addition in advancing what little plot there is to where I need it to be. So...enjoy!  
_

_Story: Earmuffs_

_Characters: Neji, Lee, Tenten, Gai, Hinata, Hanabi, Shino_

_Warnings: Neji-torture, crack pairings (you've been warned!)_

_Chapter 2: Changing of Hands  
_

*****

If one thing was certain, he had to get rid of these things. And soon.

He had managed to get home relatively unscathed, ignoring a close shave with the Inuzuka and his mutt. And the near run-in with Chouji who had been accompanied by Ino (oh dear gods, how he hoped she hadn't seen anything…the whole of Konoha would be talking about his latest accessory soon if she had).

Not to mention the heart racing moment when his uncle greeted him as he blustered through the Hyuuga complex, sliding his door closed with unnecessary force.

All was well now, however. He was locked up, safe and sound in his quarters. Short of breath, seething with embarrassment, and perhaps on the brink of a panic attack…but in complete privacy nonetheless.

He happened to glance in the small mirror on the wall as he ripped the wretched pink poufs off his head. The sight was enough to make him nauseous. He should really just burn them.

His steady stream of ingenious plans to send those repugnant pink demons to the fiery depths of hell was broken by the irritated thumping on his chamber door.

"Neji-nii-san?"

Inhaling what he hoped was a calming breath, he slid open the door. "Hanabi-sama, can't it wait? I'm a bit busy at the moment."

She quirked a brow and eyed him quizzically. He could see the cogs turning in her brain…and that, beyond anything else worried him most. Neji knew he was behaving quite out of character, but he was unsure how clear that was to his cousin… And what it would mean for him if it was…

"Father is asking for you. He didn't sound too pleased either." She paused as her keen eyes caught sight of his poorly hidden winter wear, "What in the world are those?"

He blatantly chose to ignore that last remark… Great. Hiashi-sama was probably incensed at his lack of proper address. Not exactly what he needed or wanted to be dealing with at the moment.

"Here, take these." Shouldering past his cousin, he began to make his way down the hall.

"Earmuffs? What am I supposed to do with them?" she called after him as he hurried down the hall.

"I don't know, wear them maybe?"

"But they're pink," she began to follow.

"Yes I know. You're a girl. You should like pink."

"You don't know me very well, Nii-san," she replied derisively. He could hear the reprimand on the edge of her voice—but he could deal with that later. "Why did you have pink earmuffs anyway?" After a brief pause, "Is there something you're not telling m—"

Panic warred with anger as the primary emotion coursing his brain as he whipped around and poked a finger in her face, "Finish that sentence and you will regret it." He hoped the dark look he gave her was enough to end that particular line of thought for good.

He would later regret not taking heed of the skeptical expression on his clever cousin's face.

But more than that, he would regret entrusting her with the single item which had caused his otherwise normal day to turn desperately upside-down.

*****

"Hinata?"

"Yes, Nee-chan?"

"Here. You can have these."

Hinata rarely received anything of even the most remote worth from her younger sister. So to say she was surprised at being handed a large pink ball of fluff from Hanabi would be an understatement.

"Earmuff's?"

"For when you go out on your walks in the cold. You know. To stay warm? I don't want them."

"Why not, they're lovely!" she eyed her younger sister with modest surprise.

"They're…pink!"

Pink certainly didn't bother Hinata.

"You can thank our cousin for them. I don't think I want to know where…or why…he got them."

"N-Neji-nii-san had pink earmuffs?"

The only reply she received was a shrug as Hanabi excused herself.

How…peculiar…


End file.
